Love… sometimes we can scarcely live with it… really loving and being loved is the most challenging road anyone could take. Many choose to live without really loving because they feel that they are somehow protecting themselves.
This is one of the cruelest forms of self-delusion for we are not meant to live without love… not one of us. We are made for love. We are made with hearts that are to be broken in the caring for others and are capable of learning how to be renewed and strengthened to love even more courageously… not less. If anything, this is the purpose for which we are made and all the other stuff of life are but props so that we may know the joy and pain of love. To protect ourselves against this is to try to protect ourselves against life. But the experience of life is all we really have for our short time, and love is what makes life mean anything at all.
So we pretend to love; we pretend to be faithful. Afraid of being hurt or hurting the other person, or afraid of being the ‘bad guy,’ we stay with someone, sometimes even marrying them. We only end up hurting them and ourselves in a much deeper way through this deception of our hearts. Maybe we feel cheated by our choice of companion and we emotionally give up and resign ourselves to unhappiness, while leaving our body in the relationship.
And what about those who have done life pretty well ‘alone’ but realize that it is time to share life with someone? It often seems that there are no ‘special’ someones around that are going in the same direction we are going. For many men and women, the companion for them may very well be few and far between to the point that it seems that the other person isn’t out there at all… and hope begins to fade.
Call me a crazy, romantic fool, I won’t disagree with the assessment. I believe that somehow when we look up at a moonlit sky, wherever we are, and think about love and wonder where the ‘other’ is and how long before we will meet them, that it’s entirely likely that the person whom we are soon to meet looks up at the moonlit sky now and then and wonders where we are and when we will cross their path. In other words, as you long for that person as your companion, so that person longs for you. A person who had found and married the woman whom he had hoped for in his dreams shared this thought that he believed and held onto and which sticks with me, ‘If you’re out there, the other person is out there.’
There well could be several ‘soulmates’ for each of us, but we meet who we meet based on the path we take in life and the path others take. If you take a left instead of a right, I don’t believe you’ve ‘missed your chance.’ There is someone else if you really desire that. Be hopeful and wise. Hold new possibilities with an eager heart but open hands. Give of yourself honestly and hold the other person loosely. Live your own life authentically. Let people be ‘sorted’ into and out of your path. Be alone instead of passing time with someone because it hurts to be on your own. These things will help you choose wisely and will move people away from you who are not the one for you.
Be ready to share your life. Let the light of your life burn brightly. Love boldly with your family and friends now. Be willing to captivate and be captivated and show each other who you really are… and choose and be chosen from this vulnerable place.
And yes be discerning. Take a clear look at yourself and the other person, ask the difficult questions and get the answers, not a brush-off or a surface answer; see if that person is really the one for you. If not, there really is someone out there who is. Where, you say?
To create new possibilities, think something new, do something new. Do something you’ve been wanting to do. Do something that really interests you. Take djembe drumming lessons and join a drumming circle. Join a recreational soccer league. Join a rock climbing gym. Volunteer at a place that means something to you. Train with others who are running a marathon you’ve always wanted to run.
Give life a bear hug!
Do new and different things and you’ll meet new and different people. You will have new skills in something you enjoy and be making a difference in others’ lives. That makes you more vibrantly YOU, more vibrantly and authentically alive… which radiates joy and happiness and draws like-minded people to you.
Know that there is someone for you beyond all the ones who are not for you. Lean into the heartache of remaining ‘alone’ and ‘waiting’ even as you fully live. Lean into hope. Lean into your life. Lean into the promise of who and what your heart longs for. And believe that Love with ‘your person’ is meant to happen for you too.