It’s moving day. I leave the hostel and “move in” to my apartment. Last night as I walked to the gym, I felt this wave of discomfort flood me. Moving in was the marker; it meant it was “go time” for writing every day. It was time to see if I can really do this. And even if I can, would anyone care? Part of it was leaving the hostel. It had become familiar, and I like familiar. But my life doesn’t seem to and every day something new happens that seems to stretch me. I’m clear, though, that this is more desirable to me than not having something new happen. (As I write this, I can hear an Irish man talking to an Irish woman in the hostel. I love the way they talk. It’s delightful.) Anyway, I had this concern that I might have a hard time making friends now that I wasn’t living in a hostel.
At my new gym, my first class last night was boxing and I needed a partner. My partner turned out to be a woman from Italy and we spent the class working out together. My next class was a weight class and a woman in the class answered some questions for me and advised me about what to expect. After class she talked with me and invited me out with her friends this Saturday. She also mentioned she had signed up for tag rugby. I am interested in playing; she works with the captain of the local club and is talking with him today to see if there’s room for me on a team. So, again, the fear that I wouldn’t meet people was unfounded. I think about, not with regret but with some astonishment, the many times I’ve chosen a “compromise” path because I had so many fears about the path I really wanted to take. And I am learning that all of those fears just don’t happen. And even if they do, like when I cried like a baby in trapeze lessons last Fall, it can work together for the good.
The other side of the hand I think is greed or gluttony. Once things start working, I often want more of what’s working. But life isn’t always about more. I’m learning about accepting and enjoying what I have; hostel life has helped. I’m becoming more experienced in enjoying and accepting the time I have with people and to really be my true self; there just isn’t time to be afraid because people leave our lives. (I’m working on reaching out more.) J
How many times have I said I don’t have time for this or that? Simply, there’s really never time to not live full out. Part of the reason that I took the leap I did right now is because I needed to shake myself out of my way of life. Not that my life was bad or wrong, but it was only one perspective, and limited at that. I needed to see what was possible… what lay beyond what I knew. As I suspected, a whole lot of life is out here. And to think I never would have known what was waiting for me, but could have settled for living with this nagging ache within me.
Listen to that part of you that aches with longing for something different, something beyond what you can see or what you know. Where does that aching longing want to take you? What beauty does it want you to experience? Do anything but stifle it. Feel it, spend time with it, let it grow within you until you can do nothing until you’ve answered its call.
It will be so exciting if you get on the rugby team. The players will be suprised at how much power you have.